Sunday, January 19, 2014

Bliss and sorrow

I was really happy to have a dog. When I first saw him, it's like "yes, that's it! This is the dog I want!".

He was so gentle, active, happy; the little obese boy that melted my heart. I was elated to fetch him back home. My parents would love him, I thought. 

I can't and won't ever understand my father. Yes, I know you suffered a long time ago. But do you really want what happened to you happen to us too? Do you really want to take away the dog knowing it would literally kill us? 

Yes. Rearing a dog is not an easy task and never would be. It's just like raising your own child minus all the education that you would have to send your children to. 

You gave us all the reasons why we shouldn't rear the dog: because mommy will think its troublesome, because Chloe&Caleb's parents will disagree and not let us take care of them anymore; because of all the money that would be spent on the dog. 

First, don't put words into mommy's mouth. All you can say is that we never helped her with house chores and the dog will only trouble her. And that you know because your birds troubled her. You know what mommy say? 

"Your really rear too much birds (more than 20) and they are really too noisy and dirty the whole house." 

That is what mommy said. Not "the dog will trouble me" like what you said. 

Secondly, if Chloe and Caleb really do go away because of the dog, I think mommy will be more relived than sad.

More than once, she kept saying "this is by far, the hardest I have babysit". To me. Not to you dad. 

You will never know what she said to me. You think I do not know but like what you did, we both kept quiet. Like father like daughter. Dad, we have the same personality. 

Yes, I do not like how kor kor always take extra money from you and mommy. And they did not show you that they are already independent, responsible adults. 

But come on, give us a chance? You are like clipping away our wings before we can even fly. And then deem us as useless. Work through your that stubborn brain. If you really think us as irresponsible then we will forever be that way. You, of all people, should be the one to trust in us and give us chance.

Yes, money is a big thing. And that will force kor kor and jie jie to not always go to restaurant or cab or buy branded goods. Because they have to pay for Cody's food and stuff. Why can't you trust them? 

I, for one, thought it would be a good opportunity to let them know how hard it is to rear a dog, lest to say a child. 

And dad, you and your birds will never be agreeable with me. Don't bull crap all those stuff about how you want to sell them away for money or that when those birds die, you won't cry like shit.

Bull. If death of an animal is the reason you don't want us to rear a dog, then what for give birth to us? Since we will all die someday. 

It's all because the "dog will scare your bird" and that it may cause a "burden on you". Seriously dad, I was once already disappointed in you. But I guess it will never change. 

You love other children more than our own. Your birds take priority over yor family.

Only because I was hard-headed, just like you, that I got to go for surgery and for overseas intern. 

I swear, once I got money, I would repay everything back to you, so that I don't OWE you anything. 

You see dad, because of money, birds, and other children, I could no longer love you like I would like to. 

Sorry dad, I love you, but I hate you too.

Enny

P.S. Cody, I'm so sorry that my dad didn't accept you. I thought he would embrace you and love you like we did. But no. That old man has to go against us. 

We love you, and we would never let you go. 



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