Facade

Have you ever had the feeling when you are too angry to be angry?
When you want to blame everything on that one person, but suddenly you don't anymore?
Like a balloon with holes; you can never inflate it.

What's the reason behind it?
Have I grown up to realize that not all the faults are to be blamed?
That I have come to agreement with whatever I have,
and accept whatever I can't have?

Or have I got used to the pains,
that I no longer feel them as raw as before?

But why do I feel like crying, when there's no tears at all?
Why do I feel vulnerable inside, and yet appear stronger than before?

Why is it that now, I have no idea how to feel anymore?
I have so many questions, and yet I don't know what they are.

If I were to tear away my strong pretense, I would crumble like pastries.
If I hold on to my strong facade, will my weaker counterpart ever catch up?

I have many things to say, yet did nothing to voice them out.
What is it that's holding me back?

Sometimes I indulge myself in self-pity,
but seconds later I give myself a tight mental slap.

No, I will not give in to my weaker self.
It's time to catch up.
time to be strong.